A few thoughts on Forgiveness

Relections on "The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant: Matthew 18:21-35

My notes for a teaching at a local men's group.

Some questions we may want to ask ourselves about “Forgiveness” or just some
 thoughts for further Reflection! 

At HOME…Alone!.

1.    Have you  had good or bad experiences with forgiveness?

2.    Are you in the habit of forgiving people for ways in which they  have hurt you?

3.    Have others forgiven you for the ways you have hurt them?

4.    Do you recall any particular experiences of receiving God’s forgiveness?

5.    Who are the people in your life that you need to forgive?

6.    How do you see the effects of unforgiveness in your life?

7.    What are you fears about forgiving certain people?

8.    Do we have a list in our minds of people who have wronged us, mistreated us, hurt us or mistreated us? 

9.    Sometimes there is no “list”, but a undercurrent or “bitterness” in our lives…like a low grade fever, 100 degrees, not 103. Just an uneasy feeling that can poison our relationships….that eventually can erupt into some terrible actions….”As we think in our heart…so are we.”

10. Sometimes we are like a frog in the water…increasing the temp…and we don’t know what’s happening…we know what happened to the frog!

11.On our way to church…spouse, kids in car…

12.Matt: 18 is all about relationships…among brothers…and how to deal with sin. 

13.Then Peter asks How many times to forgive? 

14.Especially about his “brother”  Present relationship.

15.All about relationships.

16.All about communication

17.All about forgiveness.

18.Then JOY, Circles.

19.Eisenhower and his method. Crumpled paper in wastebasket.

20.He then forgot, but did he.

21.We can do the same.

22.How big is our wastebasket?

23.Are we really forgiving, or just forgetting for the moment…and the wastebasket get fuller and fuller. …Then we can get a paper shredder…smaller pieces…over a lifetime….what is happening?

24.Our families, churches.

25.Forgiveness. Seven times or seventy x seven….It’s really unlimited forgiveness.

26.We are to overflow with forgiveness.

27.The reason I forgive is because of the Lord’s forgiving me, not because of the person who hurt me!

28.It is impossible to receive forgiveness from God and NOT give it to another. 

29.An unforgiving spirit. Do we have one and maybe don’t even know it?

30.S.I McMillen in his book None of These Diseases, says,
"The moment I start hating a man I become his slave. He even controls my thoughts, I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my minds. When the waiter serves me steak it might as well be stale bread and water. The man I hate will not permit me to enjoy it.” Obviously as Christian men, we don’t or won’t admit that we hate someone.  What is hate?

31.Dislike or….?

32.Some bottom line thoughts.

33.The source of forgiveness is Gods forgiveness.

34.Until we see ourselves as truly and deeply sinful, we will see nothing else clearly.   Wow!

35.The refusal to forgive is costly. 

36.What did your sin do to God?

37.Think about it!

38.Not a once and for all event. 

39.Need to forgive daily. 

40.The secret of forgiveness is grace.

41.Grace received means grace given.

42.“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Eph 4:32

43.Forgiveness is the great evidence that we have become new creatures in Christ and that the Spirit of Christ lives within us. 

44.The cross is where we receive forgiveness and where we learn to forgive. 

45.Who do we need to bring to the cross,? Spouse, parent, child, friend, neighbor, pastor, one of the men here?

 

More on Forgiveness

   Spiritual Laws & Forgiveness 

You can see my posts on TWITTER 

It's all about "Relationships", "Communication" and "Forgiveness"!.... Healing begins!

Where the 3 circles intersect...there can be shalom or peace!
Relationship with God & others.
Communication without judging
Forgiveness of others & self. 

Watch out for that "Bitter Root"

 

How it relates to Reconciliation! 

 

As my good friend Ron says, "It's all about relationships"

● With "social media"...it's about "friends", "connections" and "followers".

● If you can't wait to get to the end of this post...It's all about Forgiveness! 

● Over the course of time, I have added, "Yes, and it's all about Communication."

● Communication, Communication, Communication.

● All about Relationships: Yes, with Jesus through God our Father...and then relationship with each other.

● "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." Psalm 133:1

● It's only through him alone do we have access to one another, joy in one another, and fellowship with one another."

● To develop any relationship, we need to listen and to communicate.

● So it's all about Communication, Communication Communication.

● With God, we communicate through Prayer.

● With each other, we communicate in many ways.

● But in any relationship...even with the best of Relationship and Communication, we mess up.
 It's called sin.


● With God we can repent and ask for forgiveness.

● So to complete the circle...I have added yes, and it's all about Forgiveness.
                          Forgiveness, Forgiveness, Forgiveness.

●  Family life can be messy.

●  "Never be defined by your past. It's a lesson not a life sentence.”

● "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you." -Corrie ten Boom

● Just as we can have a relationship with God, through Jesus Christ and with each other...We can communicate our love  and needs to Him and also to other...but in the process we have a tendency to mess up. But again, we can ask God for forgiveness...and as He has made His forgiveness available to us, we then also need to forgive each other.






"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and clearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the LORD forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."  Colossians 3:12-14

As Eugene H. Peterson says in The Message: Matthew 6: "In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part." 

Alot of times...when there is a lack of joy in our lives and we have forgiven others and ourselves...we might forget to forgive our parents for real or imaginary hurts. Perception is real.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you." -Corrie ten Boom

 "Never be defined by your past. It's a lesson not a life sentence.” 

  So how can we NOT forgive others?

As we truly experience God's forgiveness and grace, it's then pretty easy to forgive others! Or at least it should be!

So, do we have joy?


If not, might be a good time to examine our relationships with others...our spouse, family members and maybe more important to examine our relationships with our parents...if we still have living parents. 

I also remember a verse from the Bible in Exodus 20:12  "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

"Make every effort to live in peace with all  men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the LORD. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15


So don't forget to forgive parents, even if they are long gone! Time is short, eternity is long.  

As Don Wilkerson says, "Never be defined by your past. It's a lesson not a life sentence.”

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you." -Corrie ten Boom


A parent's greatest joy is found in this verse: "I have no greater joy than to hear that  my children are walking in the truth." 3 John:4

When we do that...we can truly have JOY! 

 

Maybe not as easy as it sounds!

 

There IS help available!

 

 

Check out this book;Solutions: Healing for the next Generation

By Cathy Morrill with Wendy Coy and the cross/fire team.

 

 I have permission from the author, Catherine Morrill  for referenccing her book!

Although this book was written as an outgrowth of a dynamic ministry to young people..

anyone of any age can benefit! It is written in easy to read and understandable language with a lot of graphics that help communicate vital truths!

It's a PDF of the complete book!  

Check out the Table of Contents.

It is good to start at the beginning and scan or read through the whole book...and then go back to the topic that you sense the  Holy Spirit directing you to.  

...but here are a few key subjects that have a profound affect on our lives! 

P.13: How to use Solutions 
        You can go through the book by yourself or with a small group. But start and continue with prayer. This is a great book to read, and remember that this is a prayer ministry, NOT a counseling ministry. 

P. 76: Tools: "How to pray to break the power of generational sin"...a topic we don't hear  much about!

P. 87: Not the Brady Bunch...Every family has a story.
Siblings & sibling rivalry. Blended families, Adoption...Common childhood experiences, but healing is possible.

P. 98: Forgiveness..."Forgiveness heals. It removes bitterness and sin from our hearts, and gives Jesus more room..."

 P.122: Mom, Dad & Me. "Our heavenly Father really cares. He has not left us to work out our relationships on our own. Family is His idea and He has the power to bring change."
Need to watch out for that bitter root growing up in us..."See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15.  
 A bitter root starts with a seed of discontent being sown...usually by the enemy...and then we can nourish it...with unforgiveness  and the roots can grow deep. That "bitter root" will eventually destroy all relationships in our lives... with God and our families.

Appendix 2: Who I Am in Christ

As a first step in relational healing, I highly recommend this book!

 

● It was part of a ministry called "The River" many years ago.

There would be a time of Worship.

Then a short Teaching. Interactive.

Then 2 small groups...of men alone and women alone.

A confidential Prayer ministry...NOT Counseling.

It was and  is a ministry of  Relational healing.

 

Cathy's blog! 

 

●  It's always good to have a trusted friend where we can be transparent and share in confidence. 

 

Importance of listening to people experiencing trauma.

 

Sometimes people just need to have someone to talk to. Someone to listen to them. 

  

We don't really know how they "feel"...because we  haven't walked in their shoes...so we listen, listen, listen...and pray. 

 

Perception is reality! 

 

What we have experienced and learned as volunteer Salvation Army Chaplains.