A Story of Faith, Community, Prayer, and God’s Providence
Richard F. Dassow
A Story Preserved Through Storyworth
Several years ago, our children participated in Storyworth. Throughout the year, they emailed questions to me about my childhood, work, marriage, family, faith, and other life experiences. I answered those questions in my own words and often included photographs and personal reflections. At the end of the year, Storyworth gathered my answers into a printed book titled Faith Vision Service—Richard F. Dassow.
That book has become an important record of our family history. It preserves details I might otherwise forget, including how Naomi and I met, the beginning of our marriage, our years with the couples from Divine Shepherd Lutheran Church, and the remarkable way our three children came into our family. The following story draws from that book as well as from memories that have returned to me more recently.
Building Our Marriage and a Christian Community
Naomi and I were married on April 21, 1979, at Divine Shepherd Lutheran Church. During our first year of marriage, we attended two marriage weekend retreats. I no longer remember the names of those retreats, but attending them showed that we wanted to build our marriage on a strong Christian foundation from the beginning.
Naomi soon approached other young couples at Divine Shepherd who had married in 1979, along with several who had married a few years earlier. Those friendships developed into a weekly Bible study and Life Group in our home. At times, ten or more couples participated, and the group continued for approximately fifteen years. We eventually became known as the 79ers.
Naomi and I initially led the study using The Christian Couple and The Christian Family by Larry Christenson. After we completed those books, Pastor Bruce Harrmann led us through various books of the Bible.
The group became part of the foundation of our married life. We studied Scripture together, supported one another, raised our children alongside one another, and prayed together when important decisions and difficulties arose.
Wanting Children
Naomi and I wanted children, but we did not become pregnant during our first year of marriage. We pursued medical answers and attended several infertility groups. One of those groups was called OURS, and Naomi spoke at one of its meetings. Even at that stage of her life, she was willing to talk openly about a difficult experience if her story might encourage someone else.
As we considered what God might have for us, we began exploring adoption. We read widely, attended meetings, talked with many people, and eventually contacted Lutheran Social Services.
We participated in a nine-week study group where we learned about parenting, behavior management, and the needs of adopted children. It was often a discouraging time. We considered several possible placements, but none worked out, and we sometimes wondered whether we would ever become parents.
Two Brothers from Korea
Then Naomi received a telephone call from our social worker. Two biological brothers from Korea were available for adoption. Michael was seven years old, and Peter was four. Without hesitation, we said that we would take them.
We completed the immigration documents and received their photographs. The following day, however, Naomi received another call. Because of an oversight, the social worker had not noticed that we had been married for only two and a half years. Korean law required adoptive parents to have been married for three years. We were told that we could not have the boys.
We were heartbroken because we already felt that Michael and Peter were our children.
At the end of that week, I called the social worker in Minneapolis and asked whether there was still any possibility that we could adopt them. She could not give us a reason for hope, but she told me that she believed in the power of prayer.
That Thursday evening, our Life Group gathered in our home and prayed earnestly for the boys and for us. Many other people in Milwaukee were praying too.
On Monday morning, the social worker called with the news that we would be allowed to adopt Michael and Peter after all. On October 19, we met them at the airport in Minneapolis and welcomed them into our family.
An Unexpected Call About a Baby
Approximately six months after Michael and Peter came into our home, we received another unexpected telephone call. A Christian young woman from northern Wisconsin asked whether we would be interested in adopting a baby.
We told her that we now had two sons and felt satisfied with our family. We were no longer looking for a baby.
She explained that she had seen our photograph and a letter describing our desire to adopt. About a year earlier, we had printed one hundred copies of that letter, intending to distribute them to people who might know a young woman seeking adoptive parents for her child.
After learning more about Wisconsin’s adoption laws at that time, we decided not to distribute the letters. We put ninety-seven copies in a cupboard and forgot about them. We also forgot that three copies had already been given to close friends. Somehow, one of those three letters reached a Christian crisis-pregnancy counseling center.
Wisconsin’s adoption law had since changed. The termination of parental rights could now occur at the same time as the hearing for adoptive placement, so a child would not enter the adoptive home until the birth mother’s rights had been legally terminated. This change allowed us to consider the adoption more carefully.
We also had to think about Michael and Peter. They had been with us for only six months and were still adjusting to a new family and a new country.
Naomi and I prayed and talked at length. Then we took the boys to a nearby park and asked how they would feel about having a baby brother or sister. They responded positively.
Ami came into our family when she was only six days old. Her adoption became the first case in Eau Claire County under Wisconsin’s new law.
Michael and Peter had come first from Korea, and Ami joined us about six months later. Within approximately eight months, Naomi and I went from having no children to becoming the parents of three.
A Family Formed Through Providence
Our Life Group remained an important part of our family’s early years. We shared meals, Bible studies, prayer, and the ordinary experiences of raising children. We also enjoyed camping trips with church families and with individual families, including summer camping trips with the Langenkamps.
Later, Naomi and I tried to attend nearly every school and athletic event in which our children participated.
Looking back, I can see God’s providence throughout those years. He used our desire for children, the disappointment of infertility, Lutheran Social Services, a praying social worker, our Thursday-night Life Group, an exception involving Korean adoption requirements, three forgotten letters, and a timely change in Wisconsin law.
At many points, we could not see how the story would unfold. God could.
The early years of our marriage formed a pattern that continued throughout our forty-five years together. Naomi and I wanted our home, family, abilities, and resources to serve the Lord.
We did not do everything perfectly, and we could not anticipate the path ahead. Yet God faithfully guided us, surrounded us with Christian friends, and gave us three children whom we deeply wanted and loved.
The conclusion I wrote in my Storyworth account still expresses what I believe:
God is good. God has a plan for our lives. God is in control. God has blessed us to be a blessing to others.
